A corporate Christmas party for Jet Pets at PJ Gallagher’s Hotel, Parramatta. They were a global company who specialised in transporting pets. I performed to humans, pigs, dogs, sheep and lizards. The stench in the room by the end was horrific.

Hundreds of them… this particular gig was mid-December at a club in South Sydney. Jenny from advertising must’ve forgot about one of the busiest events of the year. The giant Christmas ham raffle attracted maybe 20 people, and yet somehow the raffle managed to last nearly three hours. The M.C was not from this planet and the more of grandpa’s cough medicine she consumed under the table, the funnier and weirder the whole event became. An absolute shemozzle. Our trio played 3 songs over a span of 3 hours.

Guitar, vocals. Then keys, bass, drums, mandolin and my favourite, the nose trumpet.

A venue had a volume limiting system installed. It waan’t supposed to be on, but was. 10 minutes into the gig it shorted out and fried my entire P.A system. Gig over.

Caring for goats.

Barley ever. However, I am vertically challenged so I’ve had the occasional comedian yell out ‘Oi, stand up’. One time I got into a longwinded conversation with an audience discussing food and some bloke yelled out ‘Hey, shut the fuck up and sing something’. I laughed, completley agreed and got back to work.

The classic musician tale —fucked over by a manager. My bad…and I take full resposibilty for my errors.

Life Lessons Learnt:

1. Don’t trust someone who says they have your best interests at heart.

2. Don’t be complacent. Know your business inside and out.

3. A great accountant and lawyer is imperative.

- Suspected for months I was being screwed over. I was tiped-off by managers best friend (must’ve been a mind reader).

- I checked my management contract and my suspicions were confirmed. I took on a ‘real job’ alongside my music job for 6 months to prepare financially. It absolutely paid off.

- Can’t divulge what the job was, but ironiclly the owner of the compny I worked for, was my guitar student at the time! The job served it’s purpose and I also got to see my Dad everyday as he worked there too, which was awesome.

- So, homework done, affairs in order, face to face I ended the working relationship with manager.

- To his own detriment manager went legal. Instead of battling it out, I cut my losses and moved on. I often wished in hindsight that I should’ve pursued what was rightfully mine. Years later I’ve finally made peace with it. I walked away with my dignity.

Yes. Have a great relationship with your accountant, lawyer and those who are family to you.

Circa 2020

Mid song I looked out the window of the venue and witnessed a stabbing. My car was parked inside the area the police tapped off so I wasn’t able to leave until their investigations were over, around 2am. 

Circa 2009

I was presented with an award by someone who felt the need to hijack my gig at 10pm and explain to 300 drunk people that I’d achieved a certain accomplishment. 5 minute speech and presented with a trophy. Not one fuck was given by the audience.

Cicra 2004

As a sober 21 yr old, this was rather confronting at the time. Biker funeral at a Parramatta pub. Was requested to play ‘Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again’ by The Angels. Whenever the “Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again’ line was sung, the entire room would band together getting super rowdy and would yell the words and point quite violently at a large photo of the deceased person at the foot of the stage.

Circa 2023 

I went to grab something my vehicle on a break. Came back to the venue and security wouldn’t let me in because I had hand tattoos. A good 15 mins went by before a manager could come and verify who I was.

Circa 2010

I was kindly offered a threesome with two ladies. One was old enough to be my Mum, and the other old enough to be her Mum. The request came from the dance floor in between sonsg. And I’m positive these two woman were related.

Circa 2018

Trio gig on a stupidly small stage. Our bass player sneezed and completely lost his footing, fell off the stage and took his bass guitar and music stand with him.

Circa 2018

Half way through a gig the venue was locked down until cops arrived because some nut with a cricket bat was smashing the doors to the venue, then started on the cars in the street. This what happenes when the venue runs out of nachos.

A 10 yr old me competing in a country music talent quest, in Canberra.

3 giant steps up to the stage and I missed the last one. A chubby me with country boots, tight jeans and a country hat that resembled a Sombrero went ass over tit falling flat on my face on the stage.

Broke part of my guitar and my entire ego. Still, the show must go on, and it did after wiping away a tear or two as the crowd handed me a large compassionate round of applause.

I distinctly remember hearing laughter when this happened, and maybe a chubby 10 yr old full of iced finger buns wearing a shirt covered in fake diamonds deserved it?

Years later and rightfully so, I’ve absolutely lost my shit in fits of laughter whenever I’ve watched back this footage. I misplaced the footage a few years back..hoping it turns up again.